oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
