there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
