if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
