So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
