Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
