Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
