i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
