You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
