I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
