I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
