there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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