Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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