I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
