dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
