things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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