At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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