9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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