Are we in a gay sports bar?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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