The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
