From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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