My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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