Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
