Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're like the curious george of whores
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Randomize
