Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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