So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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