..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
