i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's always time for handjobs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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