I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
