Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
