her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
