i may or may not be watching the land before time
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
