You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
