I just saw a hot homeless man
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
