u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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