Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
