Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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