I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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