I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this is an emotional support booty call
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
