ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
