guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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