If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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