Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
