After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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