Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
