try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
