Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
