you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Randomize
