Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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