loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
