Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
