i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
