dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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