North Korea, Best Korea!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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