My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
