Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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